Parade Shooting Updates: Man in Custody After Hunt for Gunman

Gunshots rained down from a rooftop onto a Fourth of July parade in Highland Park, Ill., killing six and injuring dozens. Celebrations were called off across the region amid fears of more violence.

HIGHLAND PARK, Ill. — It sounded at first like fireworks to the parents who had brought excited children to a charming Fourth of July parade in their town. Or perhaps a military salute to the flag.

But within seconds, as marching band members and politicians strutted down the street, horrified spectators realized the noise from a nearby rooftop was a high-powered rifle spraying bullets into the crowd, killing six people and wounding dozens.

The attack in Highland Park, a usually safe lakefront suburb north of Chicago, set police on a sprawling manhunt that forced residents to shelter in place for much of the day, and prompted neighboring cities to cancel their holiday events. About eight hours later, the police said they had taken into custody a 22-year-old man whom they described as a person of interest.

Even in a country battered from the constancy of mass violence — at grocery stores and elementary schools and on urban street corners — the carnage in Illinois proved shocking. According to the Gun Violence Archive, a nonprofit research group, the shooting on Monday was the 15th this year in which at least four people were fatally shot in the United States.

For reasons that remained unclear to the police Monday evening, officials said a young man had climbed onto a rooftop with a rifle and begun firing into a sea of families in lawn chairs who were celebrating Independence Day.

“My wife looks up and screams, ‘Get up, run. Get up, run,’” said Shawn Cotreau, 47, a Massachusetts resident who was visiting family in Illinois, and who said he initially thought there were firecrackers nearby.

Mr. Cotreau estimated his family was sitting in chairs about 20 feet away from the gunman, who was on the roof of a store firing down.

“I can’t even get the image of the guy out of my head,” he said, describing a man with a large gun, wearing fatigues and a hat pulled down. “He was just opening up fire. And I saw the bullets hitting the tree that was like literally in front of us.”

Police officers, who were already assigned to the parade route, arrived and rushed to help the wounded, the authorities said. Victims ranged in age from 8 to 85, doctors who received the injured at local hospitals said.

The gunfire stopped around the time officers arrived, police said, and the gunman was able to get away. By late afternoon, SWAT teams were still combing the area, and officials were asking residents and businesses to turn over photos or videos that might provide clues. Authorities warned that he was believed to be armed, and told the public not to approach him.

“Could this happen again?” Deputy Chief Christopher Covelli of the Lake County Sheriff’s Office asked Monday afternoon, while the search for a gunman was on, and as other Chicago suburbs rushed to cancel parades and fireworks shows. “We don’t know what his intentions are at this point.”

Robert E. Crimo III was taken into custody in nearby Lake Forest after a brief chase, the police said.

Survivors described a joyous family event, with high school football players and a marching band that turned suddenly into a scramble to live. Dr. David Baum, an obstetrician who had come to the parade to watch his 2-year-old grandson push a bubble lawn mower alongside dozens of other children, said he rushed to help after what sounded like a sonic boom and people yelling, “‘Bodies down, bodies down!’”

Diego Rosas, who was working at a grocery store near the parade route, heard perhaps 30 shots, then saw people running toward the store. He let them inside.

Alexander Sandoval, who had arrived early with his family long before the parade started to stake out a prime viewing spot, said he did not immediately realize what was going on.

“When it started happening, I thought it was the Navy saluting the flag,” said Mr. Sandoval, a construction contractor and a lifelong resident of Highland Park. “Then I grabbed my kid and we ran and tried to break a store window to get away from it.”

Mr. Sandoval said he also tried to break a door down at a closed business, but then had to continue running.“I was punching the door but couldn’t punch through it,” he said. “I think the shooter stopped and reloaded, and that’s when I ran around the corner and put my son and little brother in a dumpster.”

Mr. Sandoval said he saw a police officer carrying a wounded boy about the age of his own child. “It’s just emotional,” he said.

The shooting brought outpourings of sympathy from across the state and country, and renewed pleas among Democrats for stricter gun laws, barely a week after President Biden signed the most significant gun legislation to clear Congress in decades. President Biden said he was “shocked by the senseless gun violence.” Gov. J.B. Pritzker of Illinois, a Democrat, vowed to “end this plague.”

“There are no words for the kind of monster who lies in wait and fires into a crowd of families with children celebrating a holiday with their community,” the governor said. “There are no words for the kind of evil that robs our neighbors of their hopes, their dreams, their futures.”

Those victims included Nicolas Toledo, who had recently moved back to Highland Park from Mexico to spend more time with his family, according to his granddaughter, Xochil Toledo.

Ms. Toledo said her family had gone out at midnight to line up chairs so 15 of them could be together for the Fourth of July. Three in that group would be shot.

Nicolas Toledo, center, was killed during the shooting in Highland Park on Monday.

“We brought him over here so he could have a better life,” Ms. Toledo said of her grandfather. “His sons wanted to take care of him and be more in his life, and then this tragedy happened.”

After the shooting, 26 people were taken to Highland Park Hospital, 25 of them with gunshot wounds, said Dr. Brigham R. Temple, the medical director for emergency preparedness at NorthShore University HealthSystem. At least 10 other patients were taken to nearby hospitals, he said. Their injuries ranged from minor to severe.

With downtown still considered an active crime scene and residents encouraged to stay inside, many in Highland Park spoke of a mix of shock, grief and anger.

“On a day that we came together to celebrate community and freedom, we’re instead mourning the loss, the tragic loss, of life and struggling with the terror that was brought upon us,” Mayor Nancy Rotering said.

“I think every parent now in this community and every other community starts to look at risk completely differently,” said Dr. Baum, before referring to the mass shooting in Uvalde, Texas, that left 19 children and two teachers at an elementary school dead. “Uvalde is a couple thousand miles away, but Uvalde happened in Highland Park in a different way.”

The attack on Monday came less than eight months after the driver of an S.U.V. stormed through a Christmas parade in Waukesha, Wis., about 80 miles northwest of Highland Park, killing six people and wounding dozens more.

In Illinois, Chief Covellisaid that officials had recovered a rifle, and that hundreds of local, state and federal law enforcement officers had searched for the gunman.

The Lake County coroner said at least five of the six people who died were adults. Officials did not immediately release their names.

News of the shooting rattled people across the Chicago area, as officials weighed whether to go forward with their own celebrations amid the grief and the manhunt.

Several cities and towns called off parades and fireworks displays, and even closed beaches. In Highland Park and neighboring Deerfield, residents were advised to stay indoors.

Michelle Bernstein, a resident of Deerfield, said the her two teenage daughters were at friends’ houses at the time of the shooting. She told them to stay there until the gunman was apprehended. One of her daughters was scheduled to work as a lifeguard at a local pool, she said, but the pool closed for the day.

“I’m hoping they catch the person so my kids can come home,” Ms. Bernstein said in the hours before a person of interest was taken into custody. “Right now I don’t want to go outside.”

And as the afternoon dragged on without an arrest, signs of sudden terror remained scattered along the parade route.

Abandoned strollers and empty lawn chairs, some with half-consumed drinks in the cupholders, were lined up along the sidewalk. A child’s bicycle was discarded along the curb. And a cheerful-looking balloon, left alone in the grass, said “God bless America.”

Highland Park Police Sargent Christopher Covelli at a press conference after the shooting.Credit…Max Herman/Reuters

Maggie Astor, Adam Goldman, Michael Levenson, Noam Scheiber and Alan Yuhas contributed reporting.

Uvalde schools police Chief Pete Arredondo resigns from City Council

In a letter to the city, Arredondo said he was stepping down from his elected position, citing a desire to “minimize further distractions.”

Pete Arredondo, the law enforcement official state police said was most responsible for a flawed response to the Uvalde elementary school shooting in May, has resigned from the Uvalde City Council.

Arredondo, the chief of the Uvalde Consolidated Independent School District police department, had been elected to the City Council a few weeks before the May 24 shooting at Robb Elementary School that killed 19 children and two teachers.

He took the oath of office in secret and has not attended any of the council meetings since.

The Uvalde Leader-News first reported Arredondo’s decision to resign. The city on Saturday afternoon released an unsigned statement that said officials learned of Arredondo’s intentions through the Leader-News article but had not received formal notice from him even though resigning was “the right thing to do.” An hour later, the city said it received Arredondo’s resignation letter and publicly released it.

“After much consideration, it is in the best interest of the community to step down as a member of the City Council for District 3 to minimize further distractions,” Arredondo wrote in the letter. “The Mayor, the City Council, and the City Staff must continue to move forward to unite our community, once again. God bless Uvalde.”

The city charter dictates that voters will choose Arredondo’s replacement in a special election.

The school district placed Arredondo, 51, on administrative leave June 22, the day after Department of Public Safety Director Steve McCraw told a state Senate committee that police officers under the command of Arredondo could have ended the shooting within minutes of arriving, but the chief made “the wrong decision” not to do so.

It took more than an hour until law enforcement officers, including agents in a Border Patrol tactical unit, acting on their own initiative, entered the classroom and killed the gunman.

For weeks, some residents in Uvalde have called on Arredondo to step down as police chief. At the City Council meeting on Thursday, several family members of shooting victims demanded to know why Arredondo failed to show up for the second meeting in a row. According to the city charter, the City council Could remove Arredondo if he missed a third straight meeting.

Residents have also criticized local police and city officials, whom they feel have provided inadequate information about the shooting. The city of Uvalde has refused to immediately release any records, even those unrelated to the shooting, and has hired a private law firm to assist in an effort to withhold information permanently.

Whether Arredondo intends to resign as the school district police chief is unclear. A district spokesperson said Arredondo remains on administrative leave. His lawyer did not respond.

Arredondo, a native of Uvalde who attended Robb Elementary as a child, has generally avoided appearing in public since the shooting. He said he chose not to attend any victims’ funerals because he did not want his appearance to interfere with the ability of families to grieve.

In a lengthy interview with The Texas Tribune in early June, Arredondo maintained he was not the incident commander and never ordered officers to stand down. Arredondo said he spoke with the Tribune in part to refute the state police narrative that he was incompetent. He said he acted decisively as one of the first officers to arrive on scene but was thwarted by a classroom door he determined was locked. Arredondo said he then focused his efforts on finding a key that would open it, a process that took more than 40 minutes.

McCraw, the head of the state police, said last week that the doors were designed so they could not be been locked from the inside.

Officer body camera and school surveillance footage reviewed by the Tribune do not support some of Arredondo’s claims. At no point before officers breachedthe classroom does Arredondo or any other officer try to turn the handles to the doors of the adjoining classrooms where the shooter was.

BY ZACH DESPART

Best Job Search Websites

Find your next dream gig in no time

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Job websites serve as the modern equivalent of classified ads by compiling and listing available telecommute and local openings. Equipped with millions of listings and additional resources like career coaching, resume tailoring, and blog posts full of helpful tips, using a job website is one of the best and most efficient ways to search for and apply to dozens of opportunities. 

To find the best job websites to kick off your search, we looked at more than two dozen different job websites before selecting the top 10. We made our picks after considering the number of listings on each site, ease of use, costs, advanced features, industries and experience levels served, and reputation.

The 10 Best Job Search Websites of 2022

BEST OVERALL Indeed


Indeed

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Indeed was founded in 2004 with a simple mission: to help people find jobs. It’s now the largest job website in the world, boasting over 250 million monthly users with nearly 10 new job listings added every second. Biggest doesn’t always mean best, but we chose Indeed as the best overall job website due to its size, the number of industries, lifestyles catered to, and its unmatched update frequency. 

Indeed posts listings for job seekers in every industry, every level from entry to executive, and every lifestyle (freelance, part-time, internship, full-time). Candidates can search by job title and location, salary range, date posted, and experience level. 

Indeed is 100% free for job seekers and no account is necessary. However, signing up for an account will allow you to receive email alerts when new jobs are posted, upload your resume to complete applications more quickly, and receive messages from recruiters and prospective employers. Indeed also provides a salary information and a company reviews section, so you can read candid opinions on prospective employers before applying to a role or accepting an offer. Indeed’s interface is highly intuitive and designed to make your job search move faster.

RUNNER-UP, BEST OVERALL Monster


Monster

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A true pioneer in digital recruiting, Monster was founded in 1994 to bring talent and companies together. Now, 29 resumes are uploaded and 7,900 job search queries are entered on Monster every minute.1 We picked Monster as the runner-up because, although it’s comparable in quality and usability to Indeed, it has fewer job search filters and not as many opportunities. 

Like Indeed, Monster caters to job seekers from all experience levels and work styles (freelance, temp, part-time, full-time, etc.) and its job search tools are free to use. You need to create an account using your email address in order to apply to some job listing on Monster, but it takes only little time to do so. Jobs that link to another website for applying don’t require an account.

Once you have an account, you’ll be able to save job positions and search queries as well as sign up for email alerts when new jobs are added in the fields you’re interested in. Candidates can search jobs by location, company, title, but there is no option to search by salary or experience level. In addition to its job search function, Monster also provides salary research and comparison tools and offers makeovers for premium resumes, LinkedIn profiles, and cover letters for $129 to $349.

BEST FOR EMPLOYER RESEARCH Glassdoor


Glassdoor

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Glassdoor was created in 2008 to bring salary transparency and honest company reviews to millions of current and prospective employees. Today, Glassdoor boasts 2.1 million employers in their database, 110 million company reviews and insights, and 54 million unique monthly visitors. Job seekers can simultaneously search for open jobs and read detailed information on each company’s culture, CEO, benefits, and salary data, making Glassdoor the clear winner for employer research and insights. 

To start your search on Glassdoor, you can create a profile, upload your resume, and sign up for email alerts to receive curated lists of job opportunities. You can also browse active listings using the site’s search bar. On each job listing, you’ll see information about the position and how to apply, an overview of the company, anonymous ratings, and reviews of the company and its CEO, as well as salary and benefits information.

Job seekers can also visit each company’s Glassdoor profile to read detailed reviews on employee and interviewee experiences, which can be a game-changer for interview preparation. Glassdoor is free for job candidates.

BEST FOR REMOTE JOBS FlexJobs


FlexJobs

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Frustrated by the difficulty in finding legitimate, flexible, work-from-home opportunities, FlexJobs was created by Sara Sutton in 2007. Since its founding, it has become the largest site for hand-screened remote jobs, with over 30,000 active listings from almost 6,000 companies across the globe. FlexJobs’s clear dedication to and specialization in remote opportunities made it the obvious choice for the best website for finding remote jobs.

FlexJob members get access to professionally vetted listings across over 50 categories from entry-level to executive. Members also get access to exclusive discounts and deals on products and services like Intuit QuickBooks, Dell laptops, and professional career coaching.

FlexJobs charges $9.95 for one week, $24.95 for a one-month membership, $39.95 for a three-month membership, or $64.95 for a year-long membership in order to apply to listings and unlock member savings. FlexJobs uses the proceeds from its subscription model to conduct the necessary research required to vet each opportunity it adds to its database. This ensures that every listing on FlexJobs is legitimate, giving job seekers peace of mind and a safer experience. Plus, FlexJobs will refund your subscription cost within 7 days if you are not satisfied for any reason.

Job seekers rave about saving valuable time and energy thanks to FlexJobs’s scam-free, ad-free environment. Those looking to find opportunities without paying for a monthly membership can browse FlexJobs’s sister site, Remote.co, which is free but lists significantly fewer opportunities.

BEST FOR EXPERIENCED MANAGERS Ladders


The Ladders

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Known as “the home of $100K careers,” Ladders was founded in 2003 and focuses on providing vetted job listings for positions that pay at least $100,000 per year. Presently, Ladders serves as a job website, career newsroom, and networking platform. We chose Ladders as the best site for experienced managers due to its focus on connecting job seekers to high-paying opportunities.

Ladders provides job listings for dozens of sectors, including finance, software engineering, digital marketing, human resources, data science, and industrial engineering for major firms such as Morgan Stanley, Google, and Cigna. Upon signing up for Ladders, you’ll be prompted to list the job titles you’re most interested in. Your Jobs tab on Ladders will then automatically present you with job listings that match those titles. Some listings are free to apply to, but others require a paid subscription to the platform. 

Ladders offers a basic membership free of charge. For a premium membership, Ladders offers a few different subscription options. A paid subscription unlocks access to all job listings, curated job matches sent to your inbox, top placements on recruiter candidate lists, and details about other candidates who have applied to the jobs you’re eyeing. These benefits make Ladders well-suited for serious job seekers in highly competitive markets.

BEST FOR STARTUP JOBS AngelList


AngelList

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AngelList was founded in 2010 as a way to democratize how startups receive funding and hire talent. We picked AngelList as the best site for startup jobs because, not only is it trusted by over 130,000 startups of all sizes (including some big names like Spotify and Slack), but AngelList also provides an unmatched level of transparency by providing candidates with salary ranges and equity options upfront, and information about key figures in the company.

AngelList caters to remote and local job seekers in a variety of tech sectors, such as online publishing, health and beauty apps, and fintech. To apply for roles on AngelList, create a login and complete your profile. Your AngelList profile serves as your resume for any jobs you apply to. You can browse open positions by job title, location, and time commitment (full-time, part-time, internship, etc.). 

For every job you apply to, AngelList will tell you the name and title of the person who will read your submission materials (for small startups, it’s often the CEO of the company). You’ll need to write a short cover letter explaining why you’re a good fit for the role. All cover letters must be written in the text box provided by the platform, as AngelList does not allow candidates to upload external files like PDFs or Word documents. 

AngelList is completely free for job seekers to use and is a fantastic way to start conversations and network with early-stage startup founders.

BEST FOR CONNECTING DIRECTLY WITH RECRUITERS LinkedIn


LinkedIn

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LinkedIn launched in 2003 and is now the world’s largest professional networking platform, with 810 million registered users from around the world and across all industries. LinkedIn serves as a database for open opportunities, a digital resume platform, and a social networking tool all in one. Unlike most other job websites, LinkedIn allows you to add recruiters and other people of interest to your virtual network, making it the best website for connecting directly with recruiters.

Your LinkedIn profile serves as a public digital resume and portfolio and gets sent to recruiters once you’ve applied for a role, so it’s important to invest the time and effort to make sure it’s detailed, accurate, and optimized for search. It’s free to create a LinkedIn profile and browse opportunities, but LinkedIn offers a premium membership option that allows you to see who viewed your profile, detailed insights on the other applicants who applied for the listings you’re interested in, and the ability to send messages to people you’ve not yet connected with. 

Once you’ve filled out your LinkedIn profile, you can use it to apply to open positions and send connection requests (similar to Facebook friend requests) to grow your professional network. If your profile is well-optimized for search, recruiters may message you directly about applying for specific opportunities.

BEST FOR UP-TO-DATE LISTINGS Getwork


Getwork

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Getwork by LinkUp was created over 20 years ago and uses proprietary technology to scrape the web for freshly posted job listings, creating a higher quality database and better search experience for job searchers. Getwork updates their job postings every single day, making it the best choice for those looking to be the first to apply to newly listed opportunities.

Getwork adds up-to-date job listings in dozens of fields including education, finance, healthcare, law, marketing, and tech. The site is free to use, and job seekers can browse through all opportunities without signing up for an account. However, an account login allows users to save job listings for later, sign up for job alert email notifications, and save their browsing history and searches so you can replicate them any time on any device.

BEST FOR RECENT COLLEGE GRADUATES Scouted


Scouted

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Scouted was created in 2015 with the philosophy that people are more than just their resumes. Companies that hire through Scouted use a more holistic approach when hiring by taking into account applicants’ personal attributes against traditional metrics like skills and experience. Scouted’s unique matchmaking-style approach to hiring makes it the best job website for college graduates looking to land their first entry-level full-time opportunity after graduation.

You can build your Scouted profile by uploading a copy of your resume, adding links to websites or portfolios (or other platforms like LinkedIn), and, most importantly, answering Scouted’s virtual interview questions. Although answering Scouted’s questions is not required, the platform claims that candidates who answer them are 58% more likely to be selected for an interview.

Once your profile is complete, you can browse open opportunities on the Find Jobs tab and click “apply” on any relevant listings. Scouted’s proprietary software takes your profile data and interview answers and acts as a matchmaking service between you and the companies you’ve applied to. If a suitable match is found, you could be invited to a first-round interview. All Scouted job search features are free to use.

Note: In February 2021 Scouted was acquired by Recruiter.com.

BEST FOR HOURLY WORKERS Snagajob


Snagajob

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Since its founding in 2000, Snagajob has been connecting hourly employees to local positions and has become the top hourly work marketplace online. With 100 million registered job seekers and 700,000 employer locations, we chose Snagajob as the best site for hourly job seekers due to the number of listings and easy-to-use interface.

Snagajob mainly posts hourly roles in healthcare, customer service, hospitality, retail sales, security, and food delivery. Job seekers can search for part time or full time roles with the option to filter listings by those that are “Urgently Hiring.” 

To apply to any open position on Snagajob, you just have to click the “Apply Now” link on the page, and you’ll be redirected to the firm’s website. You can also register for Snagajob. Once you’re registered, you can opt in to receive email notifications for new job listings that match your interests. You can also fill out your profile by adding a short bio, a photo of yourself, your availability, past experience, education, and references. Snagajob is completely free to use for job seekers.

What Are Job Websites?

At their core, job websites act as both search engines and databases for open jobs. Some even offer premium services for job seekers like career coaching and cover letter writing. Job sites can help candidates with any education and experience level find employment in any sector. Anyone actively looking for a job should strongly consider using a job website to find and apply to as many relevant opportunities as possible.

How Do Job Websites Work?

Most job sites are free to browse. Simply type in your desired job title and your zip code to search for opportunities in your area. However, some job sites require upfront payment to unlock full browsing and application privileges. Even with paid job boards like FlexJobs, there is no guarantee that you will secure a position through the site, though.

Once you’ve applied for a job through a job site, the hiring manager will review your information and reach out to you if interested. Certain platforms, like LinkedIn, allow employers to reach out to qualified candidates whether or not they’ve applied for an open position with the company. 

How Much Do Job Websites Cost?

Most job sites are free for job seekers, but some require paid subscriptions. Additional services, such as resume writing and LinkedIn profile optimization, can cost hundreds or more.

Is Using a Website to Find Jobs Worth It?

Although you can discover opportunities via word of mouth, social media platforms, or company websites, it’s never a bad idea to expand your search across as many channels as possible. You never know where your next opportunity will come from. Job sites centralize thousands of openings in one convenient place and can introduce you to positions and companies that you otherwise may not have heard about. While more niche or specialized job sites might not be suitable for every candidate, larger job sites cater to every industry, skill level, and zip code. And most are free to try.

How We Chose the Best Websites for Jobs

We reviewed more than two dozen different job websites before selecting our top picks. To find the best sites, we looked at the number of listings, ease of use, costs, advanced features, industries and experience levels served, and reputation. We felt these were the most important features to examine when choosing the best websites for jobs. 

BY 

EMILY POLNER

Emily Polner

FACT CHECKED BY 

MICHAEL ROSENSTON

11 ways to cope with being Betrayed by Family

Photo by Biova Nakou on Pexels.com

Co-authored by Adam Dorsay, PsyD and Hunter Rising

Last Updated: October 20, 2021 References

Betrayal can come out of nowhere, and we know how much it hurts if it comes from a family member. Even though they may have breached your trust, it’s going to be a lot easier in the long run if you move on and forgive them. You may even be able to build your relationship back up with your family if you keep working toward it. We’ll start with some things you can do to cope and manage your feelings right when you feel betrayed before moving on to cover how you can reconcile with your family.

1 Take some time away from the person

Get some space from them so they can’t hurt you again.[1] Don’t give your family members another chance to do something else that could hurt or betray your trust. If you can, try to separate yourself from your family members by cutting off contact with them. Stay disconnected from the family member as long as it takes for them to change their behavior and recognize that they’ve wronged you.[2]

  • When they’re ready to apologize or if you feel ready to talk, feel free to open up your line of communication again.
  • You may need more time away from someone if they severely broke your trust, such as if a family member stole from you or said something damaging about you behind your back.

Get some space from them so they can’t hurt you again. Don’t give your family members another chance to do something else that could hurt or betray your trust. If you can, try to separate yourself from your family members by cutting off contact with them. Stay disconnected from the family member as long as it takes for them to change their behavior and recognize that they’ve wronged you.

  • When they’re ready to apologize or if you feel ready to talk, feel free to open up your line of communication again.
  • You may need more time away from someone if they severely broke your trust, such as if a family member stole from you or said something damaging about you behind your back.

2 Recognize and feel your negative emotions.

It’s completely normal to feel upset or angry, so don’t hide your feelings. Rather than fighting against your feelings, give yourself a chance to sit with them so you can reflect. Let yourself cry and feel upset, but take a second to recognize what is causing you to feel that way before moving on to the next thought. It takes a while to process all of the emotions after a betrayal, so give yourself as long as it takes.

  • If you feel like you need to cry, do it. It’ll feel a lot easier to move on after getting through the negativity you feel now.

3 Journal about your feelings.

Writing your emotions down lets you vent and process what happened. Open up a fresh page in a journal or notebook and jot down exactly how you’re feeling. Avoid editing yourself and just write everything that comes to your mind about the situation. Write in your journal every day or whenever you feel the need to so you can get your thoughts down on paper.

  • No one else is going to read your journal except for you. It’s okay to say whatever you want without censoring yourself if it helps you process your feelings.

4 Practice mindfulness.

Go for a walk or take a deep breath so you don’t stress yourself out. Rather than feeling overwhelmed by what’s going on, be sure to focus on how you’re doing mentally. If you feel like the betrayal still gets you worked up, look for ways to escape and relieve your stress. You could take a walk every day, try breathing exercises, practice yoga, or anything else that helps you clear your head.

  • An easy breathing exercise you can try when you are stressed is breathing in through your nose for 4 counts, holding your breath for 7 counts, and slowly exhaling through your nose for 8 counts.

5 Avoid blaming yourself for trusting them.

You didn’t do anything wrong, so the betrayal wasn’t your fault. Try not to blame yourself for trusting a family member or getting involved since it will only make you more emotionally exhausted. Your family member made their decision on their own, so let yourself off the hook and forgive yourself so you’re able to move on.

  • For example, you could say to yourself, “I am not responsible for my brother’s actions and I did everything that I could.”

6 Focus on the positive parts of your life

Go out and do the things that make you feel happy and fulfilled. Instead of focusing on the negative effects of betrayal, list all of the things in your life that you’re proud of. Look for interests, hobbies, or skills that you want to keep improving on and take time to continue building on them.

  • For example, use the opportunity to reach out to friends and other family members that care about you so you can keep those relationships strong.

7 Get support from your friends.

Reach out to your friends when you’re feeling stressed out. Get in touch with a few of your really close friends who you can trust, and ask them if you can vent. Talk about what you’re going through with your family so they understand how you feel about it all. They may be able to help distract you from the situation or offer helpful advice if they have been through something similar.

  • Be careful not to overwhelm your friends with your problems. Always ask if they’re open to chatting about heavy topics before going into them.

8 Discuss the betrayal with the person during set times.

Scheduling a time to talk keeps you from mentally dwelling on the topic. When you’re ready to talk to your family member, avoid bringing up their betrayal every chance you have since it can make every interaction feel negative. Instead, set aside 15–20 minutes of your day where you can sit down with them and have a conversation. It may still take a little while to fully reconcile, but it’ll be easier to open up each day.

  • As the person that was betrayed, you control how often you talk to your family member and how long your conversations are.

9 Let your family member know why you’re hurt.

Help your family understand what made you upset so they don’t repeat it. Think through what you want to say to your family member beforehand so you can speak calmly and thoughtfully. Avoid trying to shame or humiliate them as you’re explaining the situation. Instead, just explain how their choices made you feel so they get a better understanding of how they affected you.[13]

  • For example, avoid saying something like, “You lied to me and made me feel bad,” since it feels accusatory. You could instead say something like, “I felt really upset when I found out you had been lying to me.”

10 Give your family member a chance to explain.

Learning about their motivations helps you gain more insight. There’s a chance the betrayal could be a big misunderstanding, so listen to your family member’s side of the story. Give them your full attention and hear them out so you can understand why they made the choices that they did. Do your best not to judge or interrupt them so they have a chance to fully explain.

  • For example, there may be a good reason that a family member told you a small lie.
  • Avoid lashing out while your family member explains their thoughts so you have a chance to think it over.

11 Build your relationship back slowly if you want to.

confident that your family member understands why you were upset and wants to change, take it slow so you don’t get hurt again. Pay attention to how they behave and if their actions match what they say they’re going to do. As long as your family member continues being respectful, loyal, and caring, keep building back your relationship.

  • For example, if your family member exposed some of your secrets, you may keep some information to yourself when you see them instead of telling them everything.
  • As another example, if your family member stole something from you, you may still see them in public but avoid inviting them over.
  • Even though they’re your family, you are not obligated to maintain relationships with them if you don it feel like you can trust them.

12 Give yourself permission to move on.

You can still move past the negativity even if you don’t forgive the person. If you’re still upset or feel hurt by your family member, it’s only going to sting the longer you think about it. Make the conscious choice to let go of what happened and continue living your life. Focus on the present and what you can do going ahead in the future instead of thinking back on the things that happened to you.

  • For example, you may want to move on or cut ties if your family member doesn’t apologize or continues to betray you in the same way without taking any responsibility.
  • Remember, forgiving someone isn’t excusing their behavior. It’s giving yourself the permission to move on and not let the thoughts of the situation affect you anymore.

13 Speak to a therapist.

A professional can help you work through more substantial issues. Family betrayals can be really traumatic depending on the event that happens. If you have a hard time overcoming or reconciling with it, reach out to a therapist in your area to talk through your issues. They can offer some helpful solutions that may help you build your relationship up again.

  • You may be able to go with your family member to a therapist so you can work through the problem together.

The Importance of Music Education in Schools

The benefits of music education are immense and highly beneficial to students. Music positively impacts a child’s academic performance, assists in developing social skills, and provides an outlet for creativity that is crucial to a child’s development. Music education catapults a child’s learning to new heights, and because of this, it should always be considered a pivotal part of a child’s educational process.

Music Education and Its Impact on Student Learning

Music education improves and develops language skills in children. Music stimulates the brain, and with its varied sounds and lyrics, students are exposed to a large amount of vocabulary in a short amount of time. Music also provides exposure to other languages, which creates a foundation for the student’s ability to understand and communicate in a different language.

Music is a vehicle for excellent memory skills. Have you ever listened to a song for the first time in a long time and still remember the lyrics? Even individuals who are not musicians experience this phenomenon. Through catchy melodies and a variety of sounds, music has a way of “sticking” with us and is a powerful tool for learning when used appropriately — just think of singing the ‘A, B, Cs’ or ‘The State Capitols’ song.

On the flip side, students also increase their mental capabilities in multiple ways when participating in music education. As stated before, music fosters memorization skills. In addition to song lyrics, students must memorize all aspects of music when preparing for a performance. Students must recall rhythms, pitches, dynamics, and several other elements all at once. Students can then transfer those memory skills to the academic classroom and employ those skills in their studies.

Social Benefits of Music Education

The mental benefits of music education are extremely advantageous to students in schools; however, the social benefits are just as wonderful! Music education requires teamwork and collaboration. While playing instruments together, students develop listening skills. They must listen to others to better gage volume levels, the implementation of dynamics, and so much more. Teamwork and collaboration is also required when completing simple musical tasks such as rhythmic and melodic notation. Students quickly learn to value the opinions and ideas of others and how to efficiently combine those thoughts to complete the task at hand.

In addition to teamwork, music education creates long lasting friendships and relationships. Students involved in band or choir bond over their love and enjoyment of music. They share exciting moments together through music, help develop one another’s abilities, and become a support system for each other. This special bond also increases student engagement in school.

Music education allows students an opportunity to experience different cultures. In early music education, the use of songs and games from other countries is extremely prevalent. Students learn how other children play and compare that knowledge to their own lives. In addition, students develop an understanding of other cultures, which leads to a beautiful acceptance of others. Students realize that recognizing differences is good, and it creates a greater respect for others.

Other Benefits of Music Education

Music education promotes improved coordination, specifically hand-eye coordination. Musicians must multitask! They must do multiple things all at once, all of which improves coordination and further develops the brain. Student musicians must read music, interpret it, and physically initiate the music through the playing of their instrument. These steps are repeated continuously throughout any performance of a piece of music, and even the youngest of learners slowly develop their coordination skills through continued music practice.

Music education fosters greater work ethic and discipline in children. Students of music learn from an early age that hard work, determination, and a positive mindset are all you need to succeed, but with those characteristics, continual practice is required. Students learn that improving musical skills does not come easy, as it requires hours of study and practice. Through this, students gain a greater concept of work ethic and learn to discipline themselves to reach goals. Work ethic and discipline are huge factors of music education, and it is important to note that those life skills will positively impact a student when entering the work force, completing tasks, etc.

Because music education is an outlet for creativity, it can be a source of stress relief. Unfortunately, there are many stressors present for children at school and at home (pressure to pass the test, make the grade, make the team, exceed expectations, and so on). Music education allows students a chance to excel with fewer limits and greater possibilities. It also gives students something to look forward to during the school day (not that students do not look forward to math, science, etc.); thus, directly impacting student engagement in school. Music simply provides a different means of student expression, and there are fewer barriers to what students can do and explore. Students who are involved in music education generally have an overall increase in engagement and enjoyment in school.

The final benefit of music education may be one of the most important benefits. Music transcends the limits of language. Music has no language barrier. It is something that brings people together regardless of ethnicity or background. Music also transcends academic barriers as well. All learners can be successful in music. Sometimes, students who are not very inept academically soar in the arts! Students who cannot remember basic math skills can remember and employ the use of various rhythmic patterns effortlessly. Music literally becomes their best subject, and they shine in it! Through this, a student’s sense of self and his/her confidence is dramatically boosted. All children desire to be good at something and develop a sense of achievement for a job well done, and music education produces an outlet that is perfect for that.

Amanda Martin

Elementary school music teacher; M.A.Ed. In Curriculum and Instruction

Family Therapist Tips for Healing a Broken Family

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Whether something has just happened to cause a family rift or there’s a long history of problems, broken family relationships can seem impossible to mend. The good news is if you really want to heal, there are steps you can take to help you get there. Start with these six tips from a family therapist:

Check In With Yourself

Find a Family Therapist at Kayenta Therapy

Before you can reconcile with your family members, you’ll need to check in with yourself, and make sure you’re ready. If you’re not mentally in a place where you feel like you can move on, don’t push it. Trying to force things too soon will often lead to failed attempts and disappointment. If you go through this exercise and decide you’re not ready, don’t beat yourself up over it. Simply decide to table it for a while, and check in again later. 

Let Go of Your Anger

Holding onto anger and grudges robs you of your inner peace. Decide to let it go, whether the person who has upset you has made amends of not. Forgiveness is the first step toward healing, and doing so allows you to give yourself the gift of happiness.

Set Realistic Expectations

Our state of mind often influences the outcome of a situation, whether we intend it to or not. When you reach out to reconnect, a healthy perspective is important. Staying optimistic with minimal expectations is the best way to keep from getting frustrated or disappointed and takes the pressure off of the person you’re trying to reconnect with.

Take It Slowly

Remember, the person you’re reaching out to might also need time to decide whether they’re ready to move forward. Think about sending a letter, sending a private message on social media or simply making small talk at your next family function. This allows both of you to ease into interactions without feeling forced or obligated.

Decide If You Need to Get Closure From the Past

Some people can make amends by agreeing to let the past go. Others won’t get the closure they need until they hash things out. If you decide you need to revisit previous issues, do your best to come from a place of peace. Listen to the other person’s side with an open mind, and calmly express your feelings. Be willing to agree to disagree for the sake of family harmony.

Seek Professional Help

If you and your family member aren’t able to resolve your conflict, don’t give up. A qualified family therapist can help you work through your issues and find a resolution that works for all parties involved. Agreeing to go to therapy together is a huge first step because it shows you’re both committed to working on repairing your relationship.

To learn more about what to expect during a therapy session, connect with a family therapist in your area today.

Kayenta Therapy

Importance of Music in your life

Music plays a very important and vital role in the lives of the people. We can work, shop while hearing the music. According to some Archaeologist, music came into existence over 55000 years ago. Some of the Musicologists describes the origin of the music is to be nature and nature best part is Man. It is said that the song sung by men in a different form is the music of nature. The sweet and humming tone of nightingale, skylark and cuckoo is the song of nature same like the sound of air, river, thundering and sounds of sea waves are termed as nature song and due to the massive revolution in technology and most advanced and best sound card in 2020 given wings to produced exact same sound which were very difficult to produce.

Music is also known to be the universal language of humanity. It has the power to bring positivity and entertainment in the lives of people. Everyone loves music because it holds the power to transform the mood and bring a sense of relief in their daily life. We can get all answers to our unsolved questions through music. Music can make a person loyal and loving as it stays with people until the end of their lives. It never leaves the person alone during their difficult times in life.

Music plays an important role in the world as it helps us in easily expressing ourselves. It has different impacts on the daily lives of the people. There are different emotions attached to every kind of music as we can easily relate music with everything or everyone around us. Music has the power to bring people together in different ways on several occasions. It can also be termed as a good source of communication. In our daily life, there are certain feelings which we fail to express but through music, all the missing words find its way and we can easily communicate our message to the people. We find the words to express either by writing songs or just listening to it.

Music can be defined as a form of art that requires creative skills and great imagination power similar to other forms of art. Music can bring a sense of relief and reduce the struggle of our daily life. It can be a good escape to calm your mind.  A calm mind can increase our self-confidence and make us a kind and positive person.

Music can also be described as a therapy for many people because it has the power to heal the problems of many people. According to some doctors, music therapy has been a great source of help for them in the treatment of problems like dementia, depression, anxiety, trauma, etc. There are many children with a learning disability who have responded to the music sets pieces. Music is a part of the meditation in many workshops to make people positive and to make them aware of their emotions. Music has an impact on everyone’s life in different ways in different phase of life. In the online web there is Portal Finder – CEE Trust approved website with help to find best music websites.

Conclusion

Music can transform the emotions and feelings of the people within no time. It can lessen the stress, pain, struggle, distraction and bring positivity and calmness in our daily life. Music holds the power to bring people together in different ways. Music can make us expressive and help us in understanding our feelings and emotions in a better manner.

How to Repair a Relationship in 5 Steps

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There are a couple things we know about power and relationships: Power is the ability to have influence on others. Power is relational and relationships are messy. We inevitably hurt each other.

Good intentions are essential, but not enough to ensure we are using our power well. Our impact is often different from our intentions. We may be surprised by cultural differences, differing world perspectives, and differing values. We make mistakes, and we may (often accidentally) misuse power. Most misuses of power are made by people who have lots of power due to their roles and privilege, good intentions, lack of awareness about their impact on others, and limited understanding about the dynamics of power.

There are three main reasons why many conflicts escalate and don’t turn out well. We may avoid conflict because it is often associated with loss, pain, and even trauma. We might respond defensively to misunderstandings, hurt, and feedback. And because we most often don’t intend to cause harm, it can be hard to acknowledge or even see when we are responsible for hurt or conflict.

Here’s the good news: Most relationship difficulties can be resolved quickly, and the relationship can be repaired and even grow stronger. When hurt or misunderstood, most people need one or more of the following things. Here is an example: A teacher, trying to promote growth and learning, gave a student some challenging feedback about their presentation. Later, the student came to the teacher confused and hurt by what they had said.

5 STEPS TO REPAIR ANY RELATIONSHIP

1. Acknowledgement

It’s important for someone to have their pain, upset, or confusion acknowledged. “You seemed really upset about my feedback. I realize my words may have been painful. Can you tell me more about what that was like for you?”

2. Intention

Someone may want to know what your intention was without having you reassign blame or validate your behavior. “I was intending to offer you some useful information about how you were using your voice.” (Please note that this is a short description. If you use only this step, or go too deeply into intention, people may experience this as an excuse.)

3. Apology

They want an apology. Here is a good formula: This is what I regret (specific behavior), and this is what I learned and what I’m doing to make sure it doesn’t happen again. For example, “I regret several things—that I didn’t ask you if this was a good time, didn’t give you a concrete example, and didn’t clarify that it was about how you used your voice, not who you are. Next time, I will be more clear in what I say and check in first about whether this would be a good time.”

An effective apology is deeply important for healing and repair. For an apology to land well, it needs to be behaviorally specific and involve taking personal responsibility. These are some examples of apologies that don’t get the job done:

  • “I’m sorry.” No behavior is named in this apology.
  • “I’m sorry you were hurt.” This apology does not take responsibility.
  • “I was really busy and didn’t mean to hurt you.” This apology does not take responsibility and neglects any action to repair.
  • “What’s your part in this?” This apology shifts blame to the other person.
  • “I was maybe a little unskillful.” This apology does not take the issue seriously.
  • “I was under a lot of stress and feeling badly at the time.” This apology is defensive.

4. Learning

As you are repairing a relationship with someone, they may want to know what you have learned. People can be very generous when they understand their hurt contributed to learning and growth. “I’ve learned more about what kind of feedback works for you. I will, in the future, ask if this is a good time, and leave time at the end to hear your responses and clear up misunderstandings.”

5. Repair

When a relationship has been ruptured, an invitation to repair is important and welcome. Although an individual may bring their hopes forward to you, it also can convey a lot of caring when you initiate by asking what would work best for them. “Is there anything I can do that would help repair this relationship?”

Try this: Think of someone, a friend or someone at work, with whom there has been an unresolved relational difficulty. (Start with a fairly low-stakes relationship and situation.) Try these steps, and see if you can resolve and repair. After the repair is made, ask for feedback from your other person about what you said or offered that was helpful in moving toward understanding and resolution.

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