As I posted not long ago I recently had a major loss in my life. (you can check my memorial page for more info) She was someone I was inspired to be like and she was so much younger than me but lived life like she was wise beyond her years. She was my little sister and I can honestly say that her passing definitely has changed me. I know she wouldn’t want her passing to affect the website so I make sure it’s updated. As I make sure that her projects won’t end because she’s gone either.
See we always had our hands in each other’s lives in some fashion but definitely in our projects. I can say I’m still on autopilot. Just going with the flow. Contemplating talking to my doctor about depression and what method would work for me. Just another aspect I have to deal with along with everything that life likes to bring to you. I’ve posted little segments of my life on here and I would say you can go through the pages to find them but beware there are over 300 pages so unless you REALLY REALLY want to find them
I would say just trust me its in here lol. I think our comic relief helped us get through our health journey. For example her idea to help me get over my fear of water was to take me to the movies to watch the poseidon film. Or to sign me up for open mics and slam competitions and forget to mention it to me as they call me to the stage!!! As funny as those moments were our best ones were when we were away from the stage. So losing this bond that lasted over 20 years is still hard to swallow after a month has passed.
What keeps me going is hearing her voice in text messages we sent each other throughout the years. I know I have a long way to go to deal with her passing because this is just the beginning. And going through nights without my alerts going off that she is texting me with health questions or funny moments she had throughout her day is still strange to go through…..The silence is so loud. Sometimes too loud.
I have so much of her scattered around my home from her artwork to her poetry to birthday surprises and inspirational moments throughout her books and cd’s. How to move forward after death, I have to say by taking one step at a time. It’s difficult and painful and the sadness is like no other but it is something you can get through. Just know you’re not alone and you have a support group through your friends and family.
Even professional help is supported, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. After this pandemic I think everyone needs some type of professional help to help them re-adjust to live outside our homes again. I will keep you updated on my recovery and hopefully I can turn off the autopilot and be ok with my new normal.
Thanks for reading.
Deidre Gibbs
HPS Magazine 