Flash Back 2013

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Stop looking for the come up
And
Become the other half of the man you want…

I have gotten a lot of grief from my male readers about male bashing; and when I ask my friends they tell me
they honestly cannot know me because if they did they would know I usually side with the males. I try not to bash
anyone in my articles but inform the world of some issues we are having within our own communities. This time I am
going to address a very important issue of our women willing to settle for less than they deserve or acting as gold
diggers. Black women have become accustomed to settling for less than what she is worth because she normally
carries so much baggage from prior relationships that she cannot see a good thing when it is in front of her. We as
women have had to take the dominate roll in our households for so long that when a good/great man comes along
we do not know how to hand over the reins. This is normally the second biggest turn off to our men, the first being
bad attitudes. Our men do not need to know the short comings of the last man, but what we need from them. We
also need to understand what will make us a team player with our mates. We cannot expect the man to know what
we need or want if we do not know what we are looking for in a relationship. You have to know your wants, needs,
and desires in order to know when you are being completed. Do not become the man’s mother he has one of those
and in the end you will never fill her shoes. Start the relationship the way you want it to go. Meaning if you start off
doing your man’s laundry, doing all the cleaning alone, and taking on all the cooking do not get upset down the road
because he does not do any of that. Choose the battles worth fighting and if it is truly something not worth fighting
over then do not, because the small things will cause you to end up alone. I look at relationships from all angles and
everyone is looking for something within a relationship, but if you do not communicate these wants then you can’t
blame anyone for the outcome but yourself.
A man is neither a meal ticket nor an accessory. A woman shouldn’t be either. If you are only dating “so

called ballers” looking to hook a big fish I’m not going to support your antics. First off I think you get what you de-
serve in the end, if the man cheats on you, doesn’t support you, and/or doesn’t marry you, those where your choices.

Men are emotional creatures also and they like to be appreciated. This does not mean take advantage of what they
will do for you. Just because a man does not say something to you doesn’t mean he isn’t paying attention to what
you are doing. The world would be so much easier if people weren’t looking to use each other. A man is simple they
want someone who will be there when times are good, but also when they are struggling. Most women do not take in
account that sometimes men have been in some bad relationships also. Do not get me wrong there are the men out
there that think they are supposed to be taken care of just like gold diggers and they get no love from me either. The
majority of good black men are tired of dealing with all the extra that the black female brings into a relationship.

The final threat, women take this one to heart; stop having babies with everyone who says you will be to-
gether forever. If you did not learn from the first man who said this to you I do not know what to tell you. Babies are a

joy and should have two loving parents but if all you do is deny the father any access to the child (especially if he is
not paying child support), talk bad to his child about him, and/or complain to everyone you know about him, maybe
you should take a look at yourself and see what role you are playing in this whole situation. If all you care about is
money I know so many fathers that would give you the eighteen years of child support and take their child. Have
more to offer a man than your body. You should have some self-worth about yourself that would attract the man God
has put on this earth for you. Please understand that a real man wants a real woman by his side that he can depend

on, but knows she can depend on him. Our sons and daughters need to see more positive relationships in our com-
munities so they can inspire to be better men and women. Children mimic what they see and if they have nothing

worth looking up to we can expect the cycle to continue. No one is more powerful in a child’s life than his/her mother
and/or father. Love yourself and you then can love someone else.

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