Let’s get real, toxic people are everywhere and sometimes you can be that person. But let’s focus on them okay. It can be hard to spot someone being toxic in your life and when you do realize it normally it’s at a time when you need a true friend. The challenge I think most people have is when to let them go.
Because you have become accustomed to their existence. So the idea of them not being there, you feel the loss of a friend before the friendship has officially ended and many try to avoid it so they keep their distance but kept the vision of the friend that they thought they had instead of seeing them as who they are. Now I like to think everyone has gone through this in some time in their lives because it is a common aspect of life.
I will use some recent experiences as a guide. Just play along or read along with me. Now the fact that both of these examples are men doesn’t mean that they are toxic, just the two that I will talk about were toxic for me. I’m not going to put people on blast, just the behavior.
The Brother from another mother– This type plays the big brother figure. The type you can count on when you’re going through the unthinkable but still has your back….so you think. This type feeds off insecurity acting like they are there for you. That they have your back while they sharpened that knife as they figure away to take advantage of your situation. The type of guy that uses your lack of knowledge in an unethical way thinking they are “getting over” while they are pretending that they are there for you.
I trusted words without getting a background check on their character. See before I go into the blame game I’m not ashamed to say it’s not all their fault. I chose not to confirm what he was showing me. There were times my eyebrows changed shapes but I looked past them and decided to go by the words and not the action. Because I wanted to believe the words. I wanted to believe that the guy who was playing the part of my big brother was actually being better than the original but actually he was worse. I can say I only have one regret with that situation. There was something I never got to tell him about someone extremely close to me that he didn’t know gave him something. A contribution as a way to say thank you to him. Part of her dying wish you could say.
She wanted me to tell him Thank You. She was in a way passing the torch. He was part of a small group of people who took her main fears away before she died. She used her sliding board as a way to say thank you for taking her baby from one chapter in life to the next. I’m grateful that she didn’t live to see that we were both wrong. Wrong on our version of what we thought was there but I wished she saw how I handled myself with the realization and handling what was there.
The shy friend-I think we all have had that shy guy that was close to you because being their true self around a lot of people kept them quiet but if there’s just one person in the room they can be themselves openly. It’s just your word against theirs and if they never act the way around others like they do with you then how can people believe what you say about them?
Confusing I know. This type likes to sample what they wish they could say or do to others on you but play it off as normal. You accept it as just their personality. But once again signs begin to show and you have to decide how this relationship evolves. Because this toxic type is a special breed. To give an example of this type let me break it down for you.
- This type will watch religious videos and not just any, but the ones where they are extremely vocal getting into peoples face and personal space for their own agenda but saying that’s the lords way but really they are just admiring the guts the people have for getting into peoples space.
2. When you try to have a conversation or debate but don’t listen to you instead turn your points of views against you. don’t hear you because honestly they don’t care until they see that you can drop them and only then do they pull back. Reality is a verbal blanket. They are using you like a punching bag for the emotions he can’t express to others and you ignore it because it’s part of their shyness.
3. When they get you to confide your secrets and parts of your past not because they truly care but because they got off on the fact that they got you to open up and for them that was a victory.
Not just because you open up, but to have in their mind information to throw back at you. Like telling a rape survivor that when they tell them that their actions were bringing back those emotions that was just you looking for sympathy. But doesn’t have the guts to give a woman a compliment. Reveling a life altering moment in their life and instead of at least saying I’m sorry, instead takes those words and actions that hurt you against you as if it was a type of control over you.
The one thing that I love about technology is that it created a little system called the phone BLOCK!!! Also video chat as that person saw me block them, because they saw that the power they were hoping they had over me finally saw who they were really dealing with. A STRONG survivor from different levels of hate refusing to put up with different levels of disrespect and if they were a true friend they would respect your boundaries from the START.
My goal from these stories is simple. Toxic people only get away with anything because we let them until we can’t anymore. Until we can’t let them absorb anymore of our spirit and whatever they envy from that person. It could be your courage, passion, stride, your faith or whatever you love. When we let our guards down sometimes that’s an opening for the wrong people BUT if you have enough of the right people in your life the impact of the wrong isn’t as great as they thought they would be.
Knowing your worth and owning it, I would say is your armor from toxic people. It might not keep them completely away but the damage isn’t severe. You will eventually see the traits that don’t match up to a true friend that’s right for you. Because you can be that toxic person for someone else. Pay attention to others’behaviors and also your own. Do this and you might not have stories like these to tell but you will also gain the knowledge of true friends. I found out about mine because one wants to push one of those stories into traffic hahaha. Can’t say you can’t love someone who cares that much about you. It’s good to know that there are others that care about you besides you.